Friday, January 18, 2013

MAXO-FELLATIO NEEDED!



Stud nearly had a stroke when he heard me on the phone with my insurance company asking for a specialist in MAXO-FELLATIO.

After I glared at him, I continued my conversation with Lee.  An extremely friendly, and happy insurance representative.   After I questioned Lee on the availability of a MAXO-FELLATIO expert who accepts my insurance,  I was surrounded by laughter coming from the phone and the dining room.

It all began with a simple visit to the dental hygienist for my quarterly toofums cleaning.

I like her.  She's very sweet and knowledgeable, but after saying  "Open wide", she left the room and brought back the dentist I have avoided for over a year.

The dentist and hygienist dragged me to the other side of the office where I can only describe the following procedure as CRIME SCENE FOOTAGE as appears on NCIS.   Photos were taken.  Measurements were taken.

When yellow crime scene tape was wrapped around my head, I knew something was amiss.  Because I'm fast on the uptake.

Which lead me to calling my insurance company to see if any MAXO-FELLATIO doctors in this area accept my insurance.

As the happy insurance representative (Lee) laughed, he proceeded to tell me that, (as we all know), our insurance is not accepted in this back woods, third world area of Floruba.

He recommended a three hour drive to Jacksonville, or a two hour drive to Tampa for my MAXO-FELLATIO needs.

But, just because a doctor accepts our insurance is no proof they are GOOD at what they do.

After all, my gynecologist accepts our insurance and our insurance accept HIM.  It doesn't matter that he lost his license to practice.   He's ACCEPTED.

I could go to Jacksonville, or Tampa, and any MAXO-FELLATIO specialist who accepts our insurance could very well be UN-licensed and living under the bridge.

Long story short (too late.  I know) Lee found a MAXO-FELLATIO specialist in this area who accepts NO insurance and insists on payment at the front desk.

I'm sure he's a good'un.

And I said 'goodbye' to the extremely happy and cheerful Lee, still  laughing on the phone.

AFTERWARDS, Stud corrected me on my pronunciation of MAXILLOFACIAL.

35 comments:

  1. HA! Hilarious! And Stud will never be able to contact Humana as now there is a special note on his record: needs help!

    HA!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have talked to many reps on the phone, but I think Lee is the happiest of all.

      Delete
  2. I preferred your pronunciation. After all, you know that the correct word is "toofums."

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course it's TOOFUMS. What else would it be to a hillbilly.

      Hillbillies invented the first TOOF brush.... for one toof.

      Delete
  3. Bawahahaha. When you get a chance email me at rarichards68@gmail.com. If you decide on Jax maybe we can meet up:)

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    Replies
    1. There's now THREE readers living in Jacksonville. Maybe we could all get together and have a general opinion of my toofums.

      Delete
  4. MAXO-FELLATIO? Just give me a call. I'm MAXO good at anything oral.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And you gained this knowledge from very honest women. Right?

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  5. lol....if it had been me and my man, when I got off the phone he would have done his damndest to convince me that he was a board certified MAXO-FELLIO specialist and to open wide....so at least Stud didn't try to take advantage of you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh but he did. He's now calling himself DOCTOR.

      Delete
  6. If you're gonna drive that far, he darn well better be number one in the maxo-fellatio field.
    Sorry Stud had to burst your bubble....

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    Replies
    1. DOCTOR STUD insists on hanging a shingle out front. I'm sure our insurance company would cover him.

      Delete
  7. Lotta Joy,

    My husband and I laughed so hard while reading your Max O Facial/Fellatio post.
    You must forewarn your readers not to be drinking anything while reading your posts.

    Now I need to go clean the ice tea off of my computer screen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure your husband got a laugh out of it and now, he's thinking. .and thinking. . be very, very careful, Sandy.

      Delete
  8. I am glad you straightened it out. I couldn't understand why it wasn't covered.

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    1. ROFLMAO. I can just picture you typing that.

      Delete
    2. JJ, you missed the part where, no matter how I said it, it's NOT covered. I'm needing a biopsy and will have to pay out of pocket for it, and any follow-ups necessary.

      Delete
    3. Isn't it covered IF you drive to Jax or Tampa? There simply isn't anyone who accepts your insurance who will cover it that is any closer than that, right? Or am I totally misunderstanding the upshot of how this all ended?

      Delete
    4. NO oral surgeon is covered for surgery in this area. I'll pay out of pocket for the oral biopsy I need, but if it's anything worse - I will call my insurance company and see if any oral surgeons are covered in Tampa.

      JAX is three hours away, versus two hours to Tampa. I have to keep Beau in mind, since the farther we have to travel, the longer it will take us to get back to him.

      An overnight stay is out of the question. I can't leave him in the house for days without potty breaks, and he'd lose his mind from fear.

      I have to hope that the biopsies are done well by Doctor Pay at the Door, then hope it's nothing that needs further surgery.

      Delete
  9. Oh Joy, You have almost succeeded in knocking me OUT of atrial fibrillation ! I think in Florida, that would board certify you in general cardiology.

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    Replies
    1. Honey, IN FLORIDA, I would be considered at the top of my field. And I refuse to take any insurance reimbursements. CASH ONLY.

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    2. And you would be well within your rights having given anyone who sees you, a happy heart !

      Delete
  10. Lotta Joy you are so darn funny! This post had me laughing at my desk this afternoon, and they already think I am a little strange! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And now they know you surf the web on company time. So, what's your point?

      Delete
  11. Replies
    1. Oh, come on! I put a lot of effort into appearing normal.

      Delete
  12. Thank you for making me laugh out loud, first time in a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for the lack of laughter in your life right now. There's rarely ANYTHING to actually laugh at. You just have to look for the funny.

      I try to not take the bad things too seriously. (Unless they're out to get me.)

      Delete
  13. A catchy title, for sure!!
    Sounds like you mind was in the gutter...
    One thing's for sure:
    Everyone had a good laugh at the insurance company
    when Lee told his co-workers about it.
    That one will be remembered for a long, long time!!!
    You do spread cheers around to everyone's delight!!
    Good luck with your max...whatever!!!
    :)~
    HUGZ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Ticklebear. I have since tried to say it correctly, but it still rolls off my tongue as I originally said it.

      Delete
  14. You need a Maxo-Fellatio specialist? What did you tell that hygenist!?
    Too funny! Except for the unfunny parts... Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I didn't say anything after she said "open wide", then it went downhill from there.

      Delete
  15. at least you did not require a cunning linguist.

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    Replies
    1. OMG. Come back Warlock. I need your kind of humor. That was hilarious.

      Delete

Go ahead and say it. I can always delete it.