Monday, November 19, 2012

according to Dr. Phil. . . sexual fantasies aren't just for men

I never liked Dr. Phil.  I never liked Jerry Springer.  But when the choice is between the two of them, I watched Dr. Phil this morning.

Stud was in the den, but when he heard the following:   "WOMEN OFTEN HAVE SEXUAL FANTASIES INVOLVING OTHER MEN WHEN THEY ARE HAVING SEX."  he popped out of the den like a groundhog on February 2.

"You've always said you don't!"



"Uh, right.  And I never do."



Dr. Phil then announced he would be making suggestions for getting your wife 'in the mood' and Stud popped back into the den.

"Ya might wanna listen to this!" I said to an empty room.



So I had Dr. Phil all to myself.



"Men are microwaves, women are ovens, and it helps to preheat an oven."

"Hey Stud! Come back!"

*empty room*

Stud returned after the show had ended, but only to make sure I had been telling him the truth.



"Stud, baby, when we're doing our 'happy boom boom' , I'm only thinking about YOU."



........and sometimes I notice a spot I missed when I was painting the ceiling..... but I kept that to myself.



About that time, the mailman arrived with a package.



(the shirt's not THAT big.  I was holding it toward the camera.)

At the age of 63, I can honestly say that I have never, ever, had a reason to SQUEAL in my entire life.  But I'm here to tell ya that I literally squealed, hopped up and down, did a boogie dance and kept saying  "BOOM! shaka laka laka!"  

In fact, as we were later buying up some ammo before it's no longer legal, I was looking at some Winchester 38, 130 grain hollow points, Stud nudged me because the salesman was looking at me strangely.

I happened to be saying  "BOOM! shaka laka laka" while holding boxes of ammo.  We quickly paid and got out, for the salesman's peace of mind. 

THANK YOU sweetie we definitely think alike.

disclosure:  Honey, I do not now, nor ever have, fantasized about anyone or anything else when we're making 'happy boom boom'....but for Christmas I'm getting you a crossbow.






47 comments:

  1. Dr. Phil was always full of it and still is...never liked that man.

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    Replies
    1. Neither have I, but as a woman, he sure looks good in a suit.....or in a suitcase full of money.

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  2. Daryl Dixon turns my oven into a microwave! My mind is all in Daryl Dixon gutter right now!

    *thanks for not posting pics of Dr. Phil*

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    1. I was hoping someone would know who I was talking about. I was a bit embarrassed to say what show he's on, cuz I'm addicted to it and don't want anyone to know I'm that demented.

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  3. Papa Bear has already asked for a crossbow.

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    Replies
    1. Does he want to look like Daryl????

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    2. Nah...Papa Bear is my original bad boy.

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  4. So crossbows are the hot gift giving item this year? What ever happened to Tickle Me Elmos? Is something else being tickled this year?

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    1. Poor Stephen. Always one step behind the elephants in the parade. Cross bows are perfect for killing zombies because you can retrieve your bow and it causes no noise. Noise attracts zombies. See?

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  5. Ha! I love that shirt! Whoever was the "sweetie" who gave that to you?

    HA!

    And Daryl is the bomb diggity.

    And then some.

    *slurp*

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    Replies
    1. The word "sweetie" links to your site. I nearly dropped dead when I saw what you had picked out for me. (I was afraid it was an angry bird shirt) ha ha ha

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  6. Yeah ... Daryl .... I think I'll buy husband a cross bow for Christmas too.

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    Replies
    1. Thank god someone else has spoken up for that hot piece of man meat.

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  7. Who is Daryl Dixon and what does he have that I don't...other than a crossbow? And I don't think about other women when I packing a load. I'm thinking, "Damn the is killing my back...my knees are gonna have friction burns on them if I don't stop sliding...this is turning into a job that will never be done, come on girl, let it loose...I had better get a samich after all this shit...WHAT'DA MEAN IS IT IN YET???"

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    1. Stud said "If anyone other than coffeypot had said that, I'd be pissed".

      We both love ya, but not in the biblical sense.

      And Daryl Dixon? Who is he? Nevermind. You wouldn't understand. *pant, pant, wheeze*

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  8. You're a nut! Funniest thing I've read in quite a while.

    BTW you strike me as a Merle kinda gal...... Just kidding

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    Replies
    1. I'd kill Merle. I'd seriously kill the dude. I've been trying to get into your blog for months. What gives?

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    2. When I figure it out I'll let ya know.

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  9. crap lotta...i need to go and look up mr. dixon...i have no idea who he is?!?!?!? and he kinda looks like a guy that ya might find living in the appalachians with all of his cousins or something.

    hang on - looking him up...will get back to you. your friend,
    kymber

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    1. ok...looked him up. i will check for that series on netflix...is it good?

      one last thing...my man hunts with a ben pearson cougar re-curve...and his aim is dead-on from both the left and the right. wow. yum. oh and he's much better built than buddy. but i will give the show a try. i can't believe how many women here think that guy is attractive??? it must be the bow???

      funny post lotta. sorry to have been MIA lately but we lost our internet for several days. your friend,
      kymber

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    2. kymber...it's the bad boy crush!

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    3. Kymer, the show is THE WALKING DEAD and a lot of women watch it, but NOT for the zombies. We watch it for the man hunks. Yowza. Yabba dabba do.

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    4. Mamma Bear, you totally get it. Stud won't even stay in the room when it's on tv because of the gore. He thinks I LIKE the gore. *snicker*

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  10. Finding spots on the ceiling is okay. Mentioning Kilz, or a different roller is not.

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    1. TOTALLY * CRACKED * ME * UP.

      Counting ceiling tile isn't a good idea either. Especially if you're inclined to count out loud.

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  11. Must (pathetically) admit I've never heard of him and the only thing I fantasize about is finding jeans that fit. I'm pretty sure that will remain a fantasy and never become a reality.

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    1. The thing about fantasies is the fact they'll never happen. Just like jeans that fit.

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  12. Love it - especially the crossbow idea. And crossbows are such a great weapon, in addition to the aphrodisiac effects! :-)

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    1. Yeah. You can only kill one person with a guitar. A gun lasts only as long as your ammo, but you can pull an arrow out of the victim, lick it off and use it again.

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    2. Not so sure - I think a well made guitar could see off a few enemies - say 3 caved skulls and one strangled with the strings? Maybe even a 5th frightened off my the threat of a tremolo bar/whammy bar?

      And, of course, a guitar can have the same aphrodisiac effects too :-)

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  13. OMG I can finally come out of the closet. I thought I was the only one who LOVES Darryl....everyone makes such a big fuss over Rick. Nope it's Darryl all the way....it wouldn't matter what his weapon was. heh heh heh If they kill him off, I will no longer watch it. Ever notice that you're only getting 27 minutes of 'show' and 33 minutes of commercials. Ticks me off.

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    1. Well Val, I guess that's what I'm here for: to admit to doing what other hide. Ya coward!!!

      Right off the bat I preferred Shane to Rick. I think it had something to do with him proudly wearing that damn hat even after it was useless. And Shane had no morals while Rick was holier than thou.

      They killed Shane and I pissed and moaned for months until Daryl caught my attention.

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  14. You are such a hoot. You have quite a way. Love it!

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    1. Together, we'd have a great time on the gun range with me trying to crack you up while sneaking that pistol of yours away from you.

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  15. Oh my, when I was over in Canada, I watched that Dr. Phil and thought I was going to puke. We now have that dude on our screens over here. And yes, thanks for sending Jerry's shows over here. Of course, we're paying you back by giving you Jeremy Kyle or is that Jeremy Vile.

    Enjoy yourself and I have no idea who that Daryl is. Never mind, eh.

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    1. We could go at war again using just our rotten TV shows as weapons!

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  16. Daryl who? Never heard of him. I am so out of it.

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    1. Well, it's kind of late to catch up on Daryl since his character has been evolving for two years, but he's on THE WALKING DEAD.

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  17. Replies
    1. Chuck Norris is not gay, and he plans to run for President of Texas as soon as the secession is complete ! What I want to know is if I can be president of Virginia ?

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    2. As soon as the secession is complete for Virginia, why not??

      Just think, if Chuck wins the race, Texas will have the first gay president!!! *snicker*

      If Virginia secedes and you are elected president, you'll be the first president who has sense!!

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    3. lotta - is chuck norris really gay? i had no idea. i now need to go and look that up!

      oh and Jane - forget being the president of virginia...we want you for the post of prime minister of Canada!

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    4. As far as I know, he's not gay. But he looks like a monkey and probably smells like one too. lol

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  18. That Dixon chap looks very creepy. I totally understand about the Bear rug.

    Speaking of Bears, and December (which it will soon be), tis Bear is heading out to hibernate. Tis the winter wont of Bears. I'm sure you understand.

    So, til the spring, blessings and Bear hugs. (I'll check then to see which stud you're hanging with.)

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    1. Have a blessed hibernation Sir Bear. I will still be loving you as you leave us to live our pathetic lives without your wise council.

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  19. Clearly you and I have the same taste in men. First Joe, now Daryl. How do you feel about Anthony Hopkins? LOL

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